reposted from the old allanko.com blog, first published in September 19, 2008.
As I drove by a key place from my past, a host of thoughts come to mind.
Years and years of fond memories and recollections, brought back by virtue of reminiscently passing by the now-unfrequented nooks and crannies of yesteryears.
Much as the past could never be relived anew, tracing it gave me a complicated, surreal feeling. It took me back to a time that I thought had already been left behind.
Apparently not — I realized it’s still very much a part of me.
The past is as much a fragment of thought as it is a fixture of being.
reposted from the old allanko.net blog, first published in March 25, 2009.
A few days back, a representative, microcosmic thought arose from a nonchalant conversation. While one can consciously dare to defy certain personal limits every so often, the very same person can subconsciously have a terminal case of commitment-phobia: an irrational disinclination to take the plunge on life-altering changes.
This oddball condition may come to light on several fronts, like unsettling hesitations about actively pursuing interests and indecisiveness with romantic relationships — among other things. For them, somehow the ensuing trade-offs manage to rear their ugly heads right before the point of no return, providing a way out for the doubtful and unsure one to sneak off and skedaddle into the sunset.
Last week, I watched Matt Damon and Robin Williams’ Good Will Hunting, which thematically portrays one’s decision to commit to a choice amidst and despite several possibilities. In the movie, math prodigy Will (Damon) has a chronic aversion to commit to any progressive possibility, until the shrink played by Williams manages to emphatically persuade him to give it a chance.
While the character’s issue with commitments roots from his childhood experiences (being orphaned and abandoned), for some people it may be due to the fear of losing out on the other things that making a choice would necessarily eclipse and obliterate. Perhaps because, some may simply be incapable of single-faceted devotion, like the jack of all trades who’s a master of none. Or perhaps because, thus far they have yet to stumble upon the Minnie Drivers of their lives — the one that decisively renders every other viable option, substantially less appealing.
* I’m officially in transition: I had been wanting to get back to my regular business-as-usual routine for quite a while, yet I’m also disinclined to leave the lazy, worry-free holiday break behind.
* While staying at my cozy, food-bountiful Manila place with the family, I yearned to come back to Eastwood where I conduct my daily business and where everything’s accessible. But now that I’m here trying to get back into my work groove, I somehow wish the break’s not over yet! Confusing.
* This is not the first time I’ve had such dichotomous preferences. I saw through several bigger tug-of-wars with my right and left brain interests, like music and math, art and science, creativity and logic, and to a certain extent, with the subjects I teach in the Ateneo: organizational behavior and operations management. read more »
